A (Brief) Review of Charlie Puth’s “Nine Track Mind”


So this is a “pop soul” album.  Two problems with that.

First, not a single song has any “pop”.  They’re all atrociously written, both in song structure and lyrics (“Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on“), and the production is more depressing than reading the obituaries.

Secondly, Charlie Puth has as much soul as a bowl of wet tofu.  It is impossible for him to emote, every note from his mouth sounding like being beaten in the face with a Jack in the Box cheeseburger.  I suspect he discovered Marvin Gaye’s music the day before he embarked on his career, and his first thought was “wow, I bet this would make more money if it was whitewashed by the homecoming king of my 99% white populated high school, replacing all traces of sexuality or politics with processed crap to be consumed by the masses”.

You know you’re in trouble when you have a song that features Meghan Trainor and it’s not the lamest thing on your album.

I would probably give this 2 stars, but since this album is called Nine Track Mind and features 12 tracks, let’s pretend I can’t count either and give it 1.

(Click here to see rating (even though I already told you what it was))

I’m going to resurrect Marvin Gaye so he can punch this kid in the gooch for this:

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